Day 15

Academia :

Unfortunately, the reality of my academic situation is nothing I can brag about. I love school, I love to learn, and I love the areas of study which I currently consider my concentrations. Ironically, being at the University of Jordan has not fulfilled any of those loves by my definition. School to me is Sarah Lawrence and nowhere else. Learning to me is sitting in my library with the books that are provided to us and filled with absolutely mind-blowing information on something that will be relevant for the rest of my life. Psychology to me is Kim Ferguson and the entire department of phenomenal Psychology professors my school hires. Middle Eastern studies are my professors Kristin Sands and Fawaz Gerges with discussion sections and intensive papers substantiated by easily accessible sources from our library staff. Nothing I know academically is like it is here. Everything I thought I knew it turns out is defined by my spoiled definition of knowledge. For me, knowledge comes from books. It is difficult to concentrate in class. I am not a Geography major, and I am using this semester to learn about tributaries, deltas, reverse osmosis and desalinization in the Middle East. I am learning about Arab revolutionaries and controversial leaders.

I have, without fail, fallen asleep in both non-Arabic speaking classes that I have here 6 times (i.e. every class…)

I recognize that the academics my school provides are without a doubt tailored for my particular learning style. I have never once been close to falling asleep in a class in New York. I put off extracurricular activities in order to read as much as I can cram into my brain. I am stimulated. The classes here count. They will count towards my GPA, and they will be seen on a transcript to graduate programs. I have made allies with students in my class and we watch one another’s back in the case of serious head bobbings. The reality is that I will not be satisfied with what I learn in these classes here and coming to grips with that is excruciating. I give the readings my full attention (when we are e-mailed or given the readings), I have re-read the syllabus in order to understand what an oral presentation on water entails…I have opted out on hanging out with friends to read 200 pages on Al-Afghani, but the reality is that I just cannot bring myself to care. As a result, I have come to a few conclusions.

Primarily, while I fully recognize that this is a study abroad program, it is also a study abroad program. I am so used to pouring myself into my researching during the academic year that it feels so entirely self-indulgent to be putting academia second. Secondly, while I understand that it is, in fact, self-indulgent, there is a lot I am learning about life, independence, self-discipline, culture and myself that would be impossible in the confinement of Yonkers. I know I am happier here than I would be there all year, without question. On the other hand, it is a tough dynamic to reconcile. I am doing something I’ve wanted to do since I started formulating opinions on things, I am learning a language that I’m ecstatic about, I am living a life that people cannot possibly imagine who have not ventured passed their front door. I am learning about a people so misrepresented that it makes me feel militant at times. I am seeing things that others in a lifetime may see on a postcard, may read about. And most of all, I am truly happy.

I’ve always said that street smarts should be as valued as book smarts. The truth is that I have never believed it. Being able to navigate my way around the Middle East, to settle into a lifestyle, to converse with people who have never heard a word of English, to be kind and diplomatic, to thrive in discomfort, to be truly resourceful, entirely on my own and feel strong, these are skills for which I could never be thankful enough if , Insha’Allah, they fully materialized. These are also skills that will only develop when I challenge myself. That word –challenge- to me was before this trip associated with only two aspects of my life: academia and sports. Now, living here, has given the concept a whole new definition and so many more venues from which to fulfill it. My classes are slow, my life is fast.

Knowledge may not come entirely from books after all. I will be using this short opportunity to saturate my brain with life, not research, for probably the first and last time in my life. It took me a little while to realize it, but I think that in the grand scheme of life, that will be just fine.